Glancing over my shoulder, could not believe how vulgar I've been. They were just those times how you feel nervous and definitely sick to your stomach & then, the cliche words will just appear & you'll have no choice but to succumb to vulgarity without even knowing how crazy that will make you be. So, forgive and forget, ok? (;

Ikea was cool. Hotdog's like the must-have food when you're paying ikea a visit. What else in the world could make you full with it's refillable pepsi and delicious hotodg and cost you only $1.70 ? Probably not much. Anyway, as planned, I brought home two tables, 2 cushions and a painting after being brought around by a crazy driver. Hailey helped me set up the tables ( grinning ). It looks like a damn fine thing, now. I just need more things to make the room looks more cosy. Photos & carpet are on the way. It probably be done way before my birthday. well, we'll see if that'll be the birthday present. But, I certainly am very excited to look at my room when I turn 17.

I thought I was going to break down, or at the very least, feel betrayed. & then, I told myself that I don't need all these drama and everything sour. I definitely worth more than this. so there I was, lying on my bed with open eyes and the most beautiful smile. I thanked God & get down to sleep.

School be starting in two more months. I guess, I'll just start taking classes. Still, I hope school worth the waiting. see you tomorrow (:

Hello mello.

Helllllllllloooooooo chicken nuggets!

Went to far east with hailey the no-more-straight-hair-girl. I got a pencil for poly, already! yaay!& then another vest. Luckily not the hole-y dress, because they cost the same & the vest looks way more normal and cuking cute. It's pink! ahhhh. I loike.

Daiso and spotlight are love. I sprayed the rim of my mirror blue. It looks untidy, but anyway, what is when it comes to me. heh. Oh! I even had my maid changing my bedsheet, sweeped & mopped the floor. I'm sorry lah. I mean, to a damned good room, some sacrifices gotta be made, kan? hahaha. & I've hanged some stuffs on the wall and got some statues (?) on my shelves. Well, it's almost there. Getting the table and lamp on wednesday. and Ive used 80 from next month already. oh weeell. Daddy doesnt know. ha ha ha. maybe I should just stop limiting my allowance since brother the big spender is no longer here. ha ha ha.

Riight. I'm tired. I'm going to hit my beautiful bed. hugs.

Riight. So finally I slept early yesterday's night! Like whut, around 9? haha. & then I woke up around 10:30. Which mean I slept for 13.5 hours. wooots! coolio! At least it could compensate those nights when I could not sleep (:

I'm totally feeling what's new on my bed. It feels so warm and stuffy (literally). I loike I loike. I've even painted some birds, that has yet to be done. Maybe I'll draw some butterflies and owl. Ourbedrooms is the main inspiration, I was just till 260 though. I've got the chair already , pasted the "iloveyou". It looks pretty odd, but we'll see how it turns out when I'm done. I'm even thinking of putting lights around my bed. which will be super shiznit. ahhh. I like I like.

& this is prolly the umpteenth time I said this, but. I can not fucking wait for school ! At least I've booked a friend to go together with me if he got into sp. hahaha. ohhhh. I can not fucking wait.

anyway.I'm proud to say I have a fake fred perry polo that I bought for ten, online. No one would know anyway. Most of my stuffs are below $30 but I feel good in it. ha ha ha.

Flu and sorethroat are killing me.

Riiight, that's what some 16-year-old on mtv would say. Anyway, it's 11:57 AM & I'm just up. How the hell did I turn to be insomniatic. God damn it. I'm going to sleep at 10 today. I tend to get lonely when I can't sleep. I mean like, whatev.

Anywaaaaay. I've decided to forgive and forget. no! This is for real. This is like the truth of all the sentences like that I've typed. Yesterday night was the closure. It'll be hard to forget, but hey, wasnt O hard. Yes, I can do this .Memories were fucking sweet, but life goes on. I'll prolly go over at night. Im like super lazy lah. anyway. oh well.

Caught 27 dresses with ndi yesterday. She was being such a bitch. She was complaining all along & eventually just stopped talking to me. She did not even finish her goddamned spicy and sour noodles and she bought hotdog, and still had maggy mee after we got home. At times I just don't get her. Anyway. I've officially put an end to my allowance this month. Whatever I'll be cashing out will be my next's already. I know I know It's over my budget for this month. But daddy doesnt know :D

Right. The next time I can't sleep, I'll tidy up my room. Or lift dumbell, or hulahoop. Gimme 2 more months, and I'll be finidng something worthwhile. Maybe I should hit bro's workplace. ah! Friend's friend's weight is 36. It's fucking crazy, you know. You ask me, I'll just be glad with 40. Course need to run like chicken already laaaah.

Okay laaaaah. I'm tired already lah. bye.

I hope sp would like to adopt me. Daddy was like asking me to change some of my choices, like errr. & I've even forgotten to change the phone numner. super fucking dumb. It's a good thing I could contact my old guardian. Hope he'll forward the damned message to me lah.

Property Development & Facilities Management. I didn't know what I'm getting myself into.What I knew was I'm following what my dad wants. But anyway, that sounds rather stupid. No, really. If you ask me what I want to grow up to be. I'll say nothing big. I don't want a house like a castle & everything materialistic. I just want to help daddy. Lead a good life. Have a good family. & I'll work my ass off for pretty clothes ((:

Anyway, Now that I've done a research on it. It sounds pretty cool. & I'm goddamned excited for school. There'll be new friends, new environment and yada yada. Hope I could fit in lahh. Anyway. I'm excited for the whole poly thing. I cant wait to hold my laptop and carry it around! Can't wait for those sleepless nights again!Those coffee! Promise I won't slack! heeee.

Maybe I'll go ikea tomorrow. ohhh. Im fucking excited for everything. cant wait for 19th feb!

Hello mofo go buy milo.

IT's 3:33 Am & I could not sleep. Well I did want to wake up at 12:30 because I thought someone, anyone, would be online. &well, true enough ((: I've thought about the 12 slots & idk if they are good choices. I just hope MR MOE would just look at my first 5 choices because those are the ones that matter to daddy. well. daddy wants, daddy gets. If not, no allowance money for moi :D

So, really. I should have hugged all my teachers. Like even my form teacher. He took all my bull and still carried me this far. Okay lah, it's not really exactly him who done the studying and crying but he took all those troubles to organize boring yet pretty useful extra lessons (: & of course, my malay teacher.It's crazy how he pushed and pushed and pushed, like sometimes it's overboard but thank you. My tutor alsooo.

Despite those people, I also gotta thank girlfriends. For forcing me to study and being so understanding during those O times where I had to stay home because of cindy and being so tired everytime. & for willing to teach me things I don't get. Thank you. I would not have made it this far without the three of you. You guys are like guardian angels. I love you (:

Gotta thank ndi & brother , too. She cleaned the house in times I got so stressed up & she was fucking understanding. & For brother for .... being understanding ocne in a blue moon.and for dragging me to have dinner outside just days before my amaths paper (:

Okay. no one would like see this lahh. but what can I do, wo pu ke yi sleep. aiyaaaah. oh! I'm excited to buy stationery! I'll buy those highliters! & then new chair for the room ( and mirror)! Maybe bag? haha! Kay lah, maybe I'll stick to adidas. aku super excited lah turtle ! heee. dah. I'm gg to watch mtv imsonia. then submit my JAE.

Good dawn.

You know how lucky I was today ?
Probably the best day I ever went through in my life. I got unexpected results. My polo is here, already. & it fits me snuggly. Daddy is getting me a new damned laptop. I got throw-on blanket (??) which cost me cheap & fucking soft. & God loves me.

This is like getting a yellow paper saying that you could go to Hollywood. Like you're given an opportunity. I'm fucking happy. I could just hug anyone. Thank you, God. thank you (:

Thank you. Thank God. Promise I'll do good. Thank you.
My parents are proud of moi. &&&&&&& I could buy a laptop! weeeeeee. super best lah seeyyy. heee.

I could pull your fucking eyeballs and stuck it up on your ass. That's okay , anyway. I got good.

okay. Uniform's on already! no guts. no shitty guts. gahhhhh. Okay. worst of the worst, getting 19 and above. ARGH! fine lah. aghhhhhh.

When I put my eyes on the lense, I won't see you. THat's fucking sad. I miss you.

& I'm really really really nervous. just make me lucky. please.

IT'S TOMORROW ! TOMORROW! FUCKING TOMORROW ! LIKE 16 HOURS AND 30 MORE MINUTES. FUCK. HOW HOW HOW . God. I'm dead. I'm so dead. fucking dead.

You people. ahh. just tell me what I'll do if I didnt do well. Just tell me what to do. I'd prolly be fucking sad while the rest be smiling and grinning and crying happily. I'd prolly go home. ohh. I don't know how to face the world lahhhh. It will be fucking crazy. Fucking crazy. FUCKING FUCKING FOOOOOOOOCCCCKING CRAZY. like damned fucked up lahh ( haha).

I need a hug. I need a damned hug.

It's 1:30. & I'm still up. I'll go to bed soon, because I'm meeting Hailey at 1230 later. At least I could take my mind off results.

Randomly speaking. I miss you. I miss being put to sleep by you. I miss times you slept over. I miss watching tv with you. I miss cooking for you, & having you finishing them all though they're terrible. I miss talking to you happily. I miss being nervous meeting you. I miss you, alright. I do & I'm not ashamed of typing this. Because things changed and will never be the same. Bad for you. Fret not. I just like reminiscing things till I find them again. I wont even look at you when youre acting like who you are now.

Good night. It's tomorrow.

I'm very nervous about this whole results thing. Who is not, right ? I know. But, gee man, I have butterflies since God knows when & I won't just stop thinking it. It's driving me crazy. I don't know what I'll do if it's bad. ahh. I really hope it won't be that bad. Maybe I'll be suicidal if it's bad. Fuck, I hate this part of my life. This is like life and death. Damn it.

So, at least I've done something livelier today. I re-tidied half of my closet. You want to know what I came up with? I'm going type it here, anyway. You can close your eyes if you don't want to see this. 20 jackets/cardigans, 28 dresses, 15 tees, 14 basics, 8 long-sleeves, 21 tube/halters/a-straps, 8 tops, 5 t-shirts, 3 vests & many bottoms. Greaaaat. No, I'll just feel more guilty for buying so much clothes and not scoring well for my Goddamned O. Someone, just murder me. We could even get into one of those CSI episodes.

gahhh. I could go crazy like chicken's ass about 24Th. oh someone asked, and I said I hate you. Yes, I do, asshole. I don't even know what to do about you. I swear I want to very much kill you. Want to know why ? Well, simply because I hate you. Fuck you. You know you are no good. Trust me, you're the most unbelievably-stupid arrogant air-headed little fuck.

Hello. I'm still awake, thank you for not asking. gahhh. wo pu ke yi sleep!I'm really really tired though! There was not any wwe today, nor LA ink after miami ink. that's like, so dead? hahaha.NO CSI nEITHER! God. Maybe they'll have lizzie mcguire soon. Oh well. I'll firgure out some ways. I been on online shopping webs since 2 hours ago, though. Ll will send me my polo tomorrow, so I'll prolly get it on the wednesday. Hope it won't be too big so I dont have to alter it. Because, you see, the next day I'll be getting my damned fucking resukts back. & if I'm not getting good, I'll just prolly rot at home and feel guilty about spending money. Anyway. I still need to buy a chair for my room. It's more like a reading chair. Haha! I know how small my room is. But I just have this thing for putting everything under one room. Oh well. My life is hanging on my results. Okay, I rpolly hav eto shut up already about the whole results thing. I just hope I wont be fucking goodamned dead.

so, went to far east with the girls. How life is wonderful with lots of money you got from working your ass off !! haha ! Okay. I'm not blaming my dad yada yada. But I'm still pissed about the whole matter so let's not touch it. If my results .. okay , fuck stop. I know it good that my allowance is gone for this month already. and I still keep on taking from next month's. it's okay, lah , anyway. I'll get it by hook or crook. anyway, gotta welcome the new yellow to the house. I hope it'll be good when I'm out with it. heee.

I'm a sucker for hot guys. ( my hot is not your hot, so shut up already )I got nervous and speechless, like betolllllll! It's crazy, tapi aku suka. hahhaha. You know how I do. heee. Okay, I'm talking too much already. I think I'll ..... head to the room. 'fore I forget, I think youre fucking disgusting.

Good night. and it's 60 more hours to life and death. woaaaaaaaaaahhh. crazehhhhh!

Some posts are deleted because I found them meaningless. If I spent hours, days, weeks just to make a point that we have a different definition for the word cool and different way to live your life, then it makes me no different than those shitheads. So. I decided, from today onwards. That I would not take anything personal, they do what they do, we do what we do. & we're happy, who cares, right? It's not as if it's our lives. thank you :)